


And that was the moment Keith knew...

by Ninja_Librarian



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: And things going horribly and hilariously wrong, F/M, I just love wingman Keith, Keith just wants his friends to be happy, No spoilers beyond S2, There is a lot of screaming in this fic, this is mostly crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-05 08:27:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12186483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninja_Librarian/pseuds/Ninja_Librarian
Summary: ... He quiznaked up.***Keith is tired of his track record of failed attempts to wingman for Pidge and Shiro--who are hopelessly and obliviously crushing on each other. So when he learns that they are on a planet with a particular kind of bug, alovebug, he thinks he has found the ultimate solution to get his friends together!That is, until things go horribly, horribly wrong...Inspired by all the Love Bug AUs that have been going around on AO3 and Tumblr.





	1. Chapter 1

Keith angrily took a bite of food goo off the spork, glaring across the table at Pidge and Shiro.

_Look at them,_ He thought to himself. _They disgust me…_

“Shiro, could you pass me the space salt?” Pidge asked politely.

“Of course!” Shiro said, quickly snatching the shaker away—right before Lance could get his hand on it, the Blue Paladin giving a cry of dismay—and passed it over to Pidge.

The space salt shaker seemed to be held between them, each lingering as they touched the other’s hand…

_So disgusting…_

Why couldn’t they just stop their pining already! It was so obvious to everyone that they liked each other!

Besides, he was running out of ways to wingman… It’d be easier if he wasn’t trying to wingman for the both of them. Not that either of them knew that. Because they were totally oblivious.

Movie night. Keith tackles Lance out of nowhere so that Pidge can sit beside Shiro on the couch.

They sit through the whole thing with their hands in their respective laps. No touching, no accidentally falling asleep on each other’s shoulders or laps, no cuddling. Nothing.

They have to attend a fancy ball in the name of diplomacy? Not only did Keith start a rumor that Shiro has a rare disease that if he held hands with anyone other than a member of his own species for too long, Shiro would die, Keith also danced with Allura most of the night to keep her away from Shiro since she would obviously know better that the rumor was false.

But did Shiro and Pidge dance together once? No.

Hunk needed ingredients to restock the kitchen? Oh, no, Lance can’t go with Shiro, Lance has an unfortunate leg injury that prevents him from going—“What are you talking about, Mull—OW! WHAT THE QUIZNAK, KEITH! WHY DID YOU KICK ME IN THE SHIN? AND ARE YOUR GOGO BOOTS SERIOUSLY STEEL-TOED?”—so Pidge _has_ to go with Shiro. 

Did they come back holding hands and giggling and being completely lovey-dovey? Nope.

Coran needed help with cleaning? Oh, you better pair up Shiro and Pidge—the tallest and the shortest—for the most effective cleaning, you know?

Did the time spent in each other’s company as the only person to talk to heighten their feelings enough to spur on a confession of love, which would result in abandoning they cleaning to passionately make-out? Not a chance.

So what came out of all his efforts?

Nothing. Zilch. Nada.

He suggests to Shiro that he act on his crush on Pidge. Gets a blush and a wave of the hand. Oh, no. No, no, no. It’s not proper. She’s his commander’s daughter. And there’s no way she feels that way about him.

He makes the same suggestion to Pidge. Her glasses do the creepy lens-flare thing and he is informed that there is no way that Shiro would reciprocate the feelings. Besides, there are much more important things at hand…

What could be more important than getting his OTP—uh, that is, getting his friends together. When they are clearly in love. And would be the universe’s cutest and most perfect couple. But could they see that? No…

Keith took another angry bite of food goo, then quietly cursed when all he got a bite of was Altean spork. Apparently he was out of food goo… Well, at least being part Galra comes with strong teeth. He twisted his spork in the light, cringing a bit when he saw that the spork was bent and there was a small impression of his teeth in the metal.

He quickly grabbed his bowl and headed for the kitchen.

If he just put it in the dishwasher, no one would know it was him, right?

_Huh, weird, how did that happen? Well, I guess we know that spork was a weakling to get like that just from a basic dishwashing cycle…_

“And your absolutely certain that this will protect me from those pests?”

“Of course, Princess, one hundred percent. Can’t have you bitten by one of those love-bugs…”

Keith skidded to a halt, brain mentally doing the record-scratch sound.

Did Coran just say ‘love-bugs’?

He immediately did a U-turn and went over towards Coran and Allura, the latter wearing a necklace made out of black flowers.

“What’s going on?” He asked casually.

“Well, as you know, I am going to meet with the leader of Inigniamos today to discuss the advantages of their planet joining the Voltron Alliance, with Kolivan and other members of the Blade of Marmora joining us tomorrow for more official discussion,” Allura said.

“Okay, that’s great, but, uh, what’s with the flowers?” Keith asked. “A gift from the leader?”

“Oh, no,” Allura said, reaching up to touch one of the flowers. “These are a preventive measure. There is a particular insect native to this planet that is called Amortantinos. Or, the ‘love-bug’. They live just about everywhere on the planet.”

“Little buggers are quite the biters.” Coran explained. “And once you’re bitten, you temporarily fall passionately in love with the first person you lay eyes upon.”

“Only temporarily?” Keith asked. “And what happens if that first person you see after getting bitten is someone you already have feelings for? Like, I don’t know, a spouse, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or maybe the person you have a completely obvious crush on that you just won’t act upon for some quiznaking unknown reason even though it’s clear that this other person feels the exact same way?”

Allura and Coran gave him blank, confused looks.

Keith cleared his throat nervously. “You know. Hypothetically speaking. If we’re going to be here a few days, we should know what to avoid…”

_Or what to find._

“Well, that is a good point,” Coran said. “They’re these little red bugs with black spots on their backs in the shape of hearts. Here, I’ve got a picture for reference!”

Coran whipped out a small data panel and showed Keith a picture. Keith frowned. He was expecting the spots to look more like those Conversation Hearts people gave each other on Valentine’s Day. “Uh, Coran, those aren’t hearts…”

“Of course it’s a heart,” Coran said defensively. “Anatomically correct and everything.”

Ah. That explained it.

“Do they live in a particular area?” Keith asked.

“Everywhere on the planet, I’m afraid,” Allura said. “The Inigniamonians are immune to the bites, but foreigners are not. Therefore, while I encourage for you and the other Paladins to explore the planet, I do advise taking caution. These flowers are the only known deterrent of the Amortantinos.”

“Right, gotcha,” Keith said, his plan becoming more concrete in his head. “Yep, would sure hate to get bitten by one of those… Oh, well, look at that, these dishes aren’t going to get into the dishwasher themselves, so I better go do that, thanks for the info!”

As Keith headed back towards the kitchen, Coran murmured to Allura, “These humans sure are odd ones.”

Allura gave a hum of agreement, then said, “Yes, but the less we know now allows us to plead ignorance in the future.”

“Fair point, Princess.”

Keith quickly put away his dishes, then started a search of the Castle for equipment.

He was going to get his two best friends from pining over each other if it was the last thing he ever did.

An hour later, he was heading for the Castle ramp, hauling a backpack full of equipment and had a butterfly net in his hand, a grin on his face.

Let the hunt begin.


	2. Chapter 2

Although Allura said that these bugs were everywhere, Keith was pretty sure she may have been exaggerating.

Because he had been out here for about three hours and had yet to see one.

Maybe he should have done more research before he started hunting.

He took a break, sitting on a rock in the forest. He sighed.

Why was he friends with the two most ignorant people in the entire universe? He wouldn’t be out here if they would just stop pining and get together already!

Ughhhhh…

Keith looked up and saw something small fly through the air and land on the rock beside him. His eyes widened. It was red, with anatomically correct heart-shaped spots!

He slowly reached for the container…

And…

SLAM!

Success!

Keith grinned as he studied the bug in the jar as it buzzed around. “Now all I need is one of your friends…”

Just then, another Amortantino flew past him.

His eyes widened again.

His grin grew.

He grabbed his net.

This one put up much more of an effort to avoid capture compared to the one already in the jar.

But Keith was willing to put in twice the effort in order to catch it.

He chased the Amortantino all around the forest.

He fell through bushes.

He smacked his head on low-hanging branches.

He fell in mud puddles.

But he kept charging after the bug, letting out a vicious war cry as he chased.

Sometime later, Lance descended the Castle ramp. He hoped Keith wasn’t too far away; he knew the Red Paladin loved the forests, but he also remembered that last time they landed on a planet with a forest it took a four-Lion search team to find Keith where he got lost in the woods. (Keith claimed he wasn’t lost, he knew exactly where he was; Lance thought that was a load of quiznak.)

But Lance was in luck. He saw Keith, running towards the Castle.

_See, Shiro, Keith will come back when he’s hungry, just like I told you, no need to send out a rescue party… Though maybe we should just leash him when we’re on certain planets…_

“Hey, Keith!” Lance called, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Lunch is—”

Keith ran past him, screaming and frantically waving around a—was that a butterfly net? Where the quiznak did Keith find a butterfly net? And why was Keith screaming?

Lance lowered his hands and took cautious steps backward towards the Castle. “Okay, I’ll, uh, tell Hunk we can split your portion, then…” He called out to Keith’s back.

Lance went back inside, having this odd feeling that the less he knew about what was currently going on, the better off he was going to be in the future.

*

Keith finally returned to the Castle several hours later, covered head to toe in mud and dirt, sticks in his hair, sticky sap between his fingers, and a very pleased with himself expression.

He triumphantly marched towards Pidge and Shiro’s bedrooms.

He had the plan all laid out…

Put the bugs in their bedrooms. Leave them overnight. Let Pidge and Shiro get bitten while they slept.

Then, be the first one up in the morning. Sound the alarm. Pidge and Shiro have rooms on the same hall. They see each other. Instalove.

The bugs’ influence does their thing, then when it’s over they realize they still feel the same once the bug bites have worn off.

They get together. They kiss. They get married and adopt twelve dogs, maybe have a kid or two, and live happily ever after.

Oh yeah and eventually they’d defeat Zarkon and bring down the Galra Empire. And find Pidge’s dad and brother. That was pretty important, too…

He quickly hid the bugs and went to get a shower. After this, the last step was to get Hunk—who also had a room on the same hall as Pidge and Shiro—to sleep somewhere else that night so he didn’t get in the love-bug crossfire.

He was pondering how to go about this certain step when he and Hunk passed each other in the hall. Suddenly, Keith had an idea. He’d just be direct. Well, direct-ish.

“Hunk!” He exclaimed, running up to the Yellow Paladin, whose eyes widened at Keith rushing up to him as well as his wild appearance.

“Keith, buddy, everything okay?” Hunk asked cautiously, like he thought Keith was going to attack him.

“Can I sleep in your room and you sleep in my room tonight?” Keith asked.

“Uh…” Hunk said, looking Keith head-to-toe. He quickly decided that he did not want to know what Keith had been doing all day, or why he wanted this sudden room switch. But he was fairly certain that Keith may have fought something bigger than the Red Paladin and won, and Hunk was not interested in being the next thing fought. “Sure… Just… Get a shower first, okay?”

“Got it! Thanks!” Keith said, running off towards the showers.

Hunk was left with this odd but distinct feeling that the less current-Hunk knew now, the better off future-Hunk would be.


	3. Chapter 3

Keith woke up before his alarm, quickly put on his armor, then quietly snuck out of Hunk’s room to get to the bridge.

All he had to do was turn on the alarm for the Castle’s defense system, then go hide and make it appear that he was coming to check out the alarm.

He hit the alarm, then ran off the bridge, waited till he heard the first set of footsteps, then ran back into the bridge. Allura was there in her nightgown already, frowning as she tried to turn the alarm off.

“The scanners aren’t picking up anything,” She said to Keith and Coran—who had entered behind Keith. “I don’t know what’s going on or why the alarm went off.”

“Are we being attacked?” Lance asked as he skidded onto the bridge, in his armor but also still wearing his Blue Lion slippers and robe—wait, did Lance put his armor on and then pull his robe on over top the armor? And Lance called Keith a walking disaster…

Hunk ran into the room, still in his pajamas and the chest plate of his armor, helmet in his hand. “I thought this planet was friendly!”

“It is!” Allura said. “But something or someone set off the alarm. What, I don’t know.”

“Weird,” Keith said innocently. “We better do a patrol of the Castle, just to make sure. Isn’t it weird that Shiro and Pidge aren’t here yet? Better go check on—” He turned to walk out of the room only to scream at nearly tripping over an exhausted and irritated looking Pidge. “Pidge! What are you doing here?”

“Uh… Same as everyone else?” Pidge said, arching an eyebrow before yawning, rubbing at one of her eyes with a fist. “Checkin’ out why the alarm went off…”

“Geez, Pidge, the bags under your eyes have bags,” Lance said, frowning. “Were you up in your mad science lab all night?”

“Yeah,” Pidge said with a nod.

Keith mentally cursed himself.

Of course. He hadn’t factored in Pidge’s night-owl tendencies and her penchant for falling asleep in the lab.

“Well, then,” Keith said, grabbing her hand, hoping to salvage his plan. “You and I better go track down Shiro…”

With that, he pulled her out of the room, dragging her towards the hall with her bedroom and Shiro’s.

All he had to do was quickly shove her in front of Shiro and everything would be—

Keith’s foot met something solid, and his face met the floor.

Pidge did a little bit better than he did, because she landed on Keith, knocking the air out of him. How was Pidge so small, yet he felt like a semi-truck had just landed on his back?

Pidge groaned as she climbed off of Keith, and he winced as he sat up. What had he tripped over?

His eyes widened at seeing that it was Shiro, lying on his stomach on the floor, dressed in full armor, his chin propped up on his hands, eyes big and a goofy smile on his face.

“Isn’t he the most majestic creature you’ve ever seen?” Shiro said with a reverent sigh.

Keith’s eyes followed Shiro’s line of sight.

His heart dropped.

Shiro was staring at Platt the mouse, who was basking in Shiro’s undivided attention, dancing and doing tricks. The tubby little mouse exuberantly spun around on one foot with a little too much momentum and landed on his back.

“So majestic…” Shiro breathed.

“Uh…” Pidge said, brows furrowing. “What’s going on?”

Keith was wondering the exact same thing.

Shiro looked up at them, eyes shiny as he tenderly scooped Platt up into his hands, cradling the mouse like the most fragile, precious thing in the universe.

“Platt… He’s so magnificent…” Shiro said, pressing a kiss to the top of the mouse’s head, which made Platt blush and put a paw to his mouth in a bashful manner. “He’s so brave, and cheerful, and happy, and friendly, and oh I just love him so!”

What.

The.

Quiznak?

Shiro snuggled the chubby mouse, rubbing Platt up against his cheek before pressing another kiss to the top of Platt’s head, then gave the mouse an affectionate poke in the belly. “Ready for breakfast, my dear? Candlelit table for two, with the best and biggest bowl of food goo, only the best for my Shnookums.”

Shnookums?

Platt chittered and looked excited about the prospect of food, and so Shiro cradled Platt to his chest lovingly and strode on down the hall.

And then Keith saw the tiny, red, raised bump on the corner of Shiro’s jaw. Unmistakably a bug bite.

_Oh… Quiznak…_

Shiro got bitten by the love bug, alright, just as Keith planned.

And proceeded to fall head over heels in love with Platt.

“Well,” Pidge said, arching an eyebrow. “That was weird…”

“Y-yeah…” Keith said, watching despondently as Shiro walked away.

“I think Shiro needs more sleep,” Pidge said with a yawn, scratching her head. “I’m going to get cleaned up. Let me know when Kolivan and the rest of the Blade members get here for that meeting.”

“Right.” Keith said, not really listening or acknowledging that Pidge was walking away.

Gah! Where had he gone wrong?

More importantly, how long was this going to last? And how was he going to fix it?

He needed Coran.

Keith took off running, skidding to a stop as he passed the bridge, seeing Coran standing there, frowning as he looked at the control panel.

Coran’s ear twitched slightly as Keith silently popped up beside him. “Ah, Number Four! Good to see you.”

“Hey, Coran,” Keith said, trying to impersonate Lance’s sweet-talk voice and failing. “Got a moment?”

“Hmm, only a few ticks. Trying to determine if we have a bug or not. Can’t let any more accidental alarms go off, especially not this afternoon.” Coran explained. “It’s the weirdest thing. Can’t figure out what happened to set it off…”

“Yeah, weird,” Keith said innocently. He cleared his throat. “Um, so, anyway… You know those bugs you were telling me about yesterday? The Amortantinos?”

“Yes,” Coran said cautiously, fingers pausing as he glanced at Keith. “What about them?”

“Oh, you know, was just curious and all about the local flora and fauna,” Keith said, suddenly unable to meet Coran’s eyes.

“Of course.” Coran said, arching an eyebrow.

“Anyways,” Keith said. “Uh, after you’ve been bitten, how long do the effects last?”

“About three diurnal cycles.” Coran answered. He narrowed his eyes. “Why do you ask these particular questions?”

“No reason,” Keith lied while mentally cursing. Quiznak, this was bad. This was so bad… Shiro was in love with a quiznaking mouse for three days, what had he done? “And… Is there a cure to speed it up or…?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” Coran said.

“But, those flowers Allura was wearing, those ward them off, right?” Keith asked.

“Yes, but that’s not the same as ‘curing’.”

“So if I want to know what the cure is, if it exists?”

“You’ll have to ask one of the local Inigniamos. Perhaps you can ask one of them later on this afternoon at our Voltron Coalition meeting.”

“Right, definitely,” Keith said, internally screaming. He had to fix this before the dignitaries arrived… “Okay, well, thanks Coran, you’re the best, see ya later.”

Keith ran off the bridge like a Robeast was on his tail.

He almost made it down the ramp when he skidded to a stop, a very irritated Allura stepping right in front of him. Fortunately, he managed to come to a complete stop before adding to the Princess’s agitation by colliding into her.

“And where, exactly, do you think you’re going?” Allura asked coldly, arms folded over her chest.

“Uh…” Keith said, glancing over her shoulder.

“Oh, no.” Allura scolded, eyes hard. “You are not going anywhere, Keith. I have been informed that you spent practically all day yesterday gallivanting around in the woods. Meanwhile, your fellow Paladins and Coran spent the entire day preparing the Castle for our guests this afternoon. You are on kitchen clean-up detail, as well as dining room preparation. Now go clean up the breakfast dishes and stay out of Hunk’s way, as he has graciously offered to prepare today’s refreshments.”

“But I—I need—” Keith said, fishing for something, anything, to convince Allura to let him pass.

“No,” Allura said. “Now go.”

Fearing the look in her eyes, Keith slunk away towards the kitchen, where he was soon elbow deep in dishwater.

_Well, it can’t get any worse,_ Keith thought as he scrubbed at a particularly stuck-on piece of food goo.

However, things could get worse.


	4. Chapter 4

The Blade of Marmora representatives arrived earlier than expected, and were greeted by the Princess, Lance and Coran.

“How are the Coalition discussions proceeding thus far?” Kolivan inquired as the three Castle inhabitants led their guests towards the lounge.

“Rather difficult, I must unfortunately admit,” Allura said with a sigh. “They are, of course, grateful that Voltron has saved the planet from the Galra. However, they hesitate to join our cause for a wide variety of reasons—most of which are perfectly valid. We must have absolutely everything go right today if we have any hope of persuading them.”

Kolivan nodded, grimacing. “I can assure you, Princess, my Blades and I will do everything within our power to aid in this endeavor.”

“I am grateful for your presence,” Allura said, stopping Kolivan outside of the lounge entry as the others filed inside.

“Even though we are Galra? And may be more of a hindrance than a help?”

“We have to be honest with the people we bring into our Alliance.” Allura said firmly, eyes serious. “We are bringing down Zarkon’s empire. But the Galra will continue to exist.” Allura’s dark expression brightened momentarily at seeing a green and white figure approach, glasses perched on top of slightly damp, fluffy hair, the figure rubbing at her eyes slightly while yawning. “Ah, hello Pidge. Good of you to join us.” Allura turned to see Keith come down the other hall. Huh. That meant all morning, she hadn’t seen one certain Paladin. “Keith, Pidge, have either of you seen Shiro?”

Keith, for some reason, flinched slightly and said, “Er, about that, Allura…” But then he cut himself off, eyes widening as he saw Pidge.

Pidge moved her hands, then brought her glasses down to her face.

Then her eyes widened.

And Keith swore her brown-sugar eyes became anime-styled pink and heart-shaped, a look much more happier and intense than whenever Pidge found a new piece of technology to play with.

There was a small red bump on her cheekbone.

Oh no.

“Kolivan!” Pidge exclaimed, suddenly running down the hall, arms outstretched. The Blade of Marmora leader looked incredibly confused as Pidge the Projectile launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck, pressing a loud kiss to his cheek. The unexpectedness of it all sent Kolivan tottering backwards, quickly trying to regain his balance. “Oh, how I’ve missed you!” Pidge gasped loudly as she ran her fingers over his braid, smiling cheekily. “My word, I swear you’ve gotten a thousand times more handsome since we were last together…”

Kolivan and Allura were understandably shocked and confused.

Keith, however, just silently turned and walked away.

“G-Green Paladin, please…” Kolivan said, clearly flustered and having trouble prying Pidge off of him. However, the small teenage girl just kept moving all around him so that he was unable to get his hands on her to remove her from his person.

“Pidge!” Allura gasped out. “What has gotten into you?”

If she had a crush on Kolivan, why was she acting on it now?

More importantly, why hadn’t Pidge confided in her about this crush?

Then, Allura’s eyes widened as she saw Pidge’s face more clearly, the Green Paladin grinning widely and giggling, hugging Kolivan from where she was on his back.

“Green Paladin, I feel that this is inappropriate…” Kolivan said awkwardly. Especially since he was certain he was correct in his understanding that the Black Paladin had feelings for the small Green Paladin and vice versa. He perfectly understood that Shiro was the alpha male of Voltron and he was not going to start a fight with the Black Paladin over the Green Paladin, said alpha male’s object of affection.

“It is highly inappropriate!” Allura exclaimed, voice getting higher and shriller from the shock of the impropriety and panic. “Pidge, get down from Kolivan this instant!”

“You’re not the boss of me!” Pidge informed Allura. “You’re just jealous!”

“Jealous?” Allura repeated incredulously.

“Yes,” Pidge snapped. “You’re jealous, because you had your chance to snag this brilliant mind and beautiful body as your own and you missed it! He’s mine! All mine!” She sealed her declaration by giving Kolivan another kiss.

If Galra could blush like humans, Kolivan’s face would have put the Red Lion’s paint to shame.

“I am certainly not jealous, and I have no idea what you are talking about!” Allura said. “Really, Pidge, you’re being overdramatic… What has…?” Allura cut herself off, eyes widening as she got a good look at Pidge’s face.

The bump on Pidge’s cheek could have been what the humans referred to as a ‘zit’—she still wasn’t sure why it was so bad, only knew that she once had to drag Lance out of his room and onto the training deck as he bemoaned the fact that he had one.

Or, there was an alternative to what the small red swelling meant.

Oh no. This was bad. This was very, very bad…

“Kolivan, I think Pidge has been bitten by an Amortantino!” Allura said.

“The Amortantino?” Kolivan repeated. “You don’t mean—?”

“The love bug, yes,” Allura said, frowning. “Oh, this is bad… Pidge has been in the Castle for the last two days, she must have been bitten inside. I thought we had taken sufficient preventative measures to make sure the bugs didn’t get into the Castle.”

“What can we do?” Kolivan asked as Pidge rubbed her cheek against his ear, while whispering about his fur being soft like a chinchilla, whatever that was.

Allura bit her lip, thinking. A task, she realized, that would be much easier without Pidge’s love-struck presence.

“Pidge!” She said. “How about you show Kolivan and I your lab and your latest project?”

Pidge got even more excited at that and hopped off of Kolivan. She attempted to wrap her arm around his, found that she was too short, and settled for grabbing his hand, leading them down the hall. All the while, Kolivan gave Allura a curious look.

Pidge chattered away happily as she led them to her lab. Then, as soon as she had stepped through the door, Allura gave Pidge a shove inside with one hand and grabbed Kolivan by the back of the shirt with the other, then quickly closed and locked the door on Pidge.

There was almost immediately the sound of fists banging on the door.

“I knew it!” Pidge shrieked through the door. “You’re trying to take my man for yourself! You dirty, rotten, no good, little—”

Pidge then began yelling a series of expletives that Allura couldn’t quite make out as she led Kolivan away.

“Well, that is one way to solve this problem,” Kolivan commented.

“Unfortunately, the problem is not solved, only temporarily stalled.” Allura explained. “If those bugs are loose in the Castle, we need to do something about it before we have more victims of the love bug.”

Kolivan nodded. “I’ll alert my Blades about the situation.”

“And I’ll confer with Coran and the other Paladins,” Allura said as the door to the lounge opened, and Coran and Lance stepped out of the room.

“What’s going on?” Lance asked, instantly picking up on the tension between Allura and Kolivan.

“We have a problem,” Allura said. “Pidge has been bitten by an Amortantino.”

“The love bug?” Coran said with surprise. “Who’s the newfound object of her affections?”

Kolivan sighed. “I am.”

“And you got away from her?” Coran said, arching an eyebrow.

“I locked her in the lab,” Allura explained.

“Wait,” Lance said. “You locked our vent-and-tech gremlin in the lab? Where she has access to both? That lab’s not going to hold her for long, Princess.”

“Hopefully it will be long enough to figure out where the bugs came in and prevent more love-sick victims.” Allura said. “I just can’t figure out how they got past all the flowers we hung up around the entryways and ports. The bugs shouldn’t have gone anywhere near them…”

“Perhaps something carried them through,” Coran suggested. “Were you given anything when you went to that meeting yesterday?”

“No,” Allura said. “Could someone have brought them in, unbeknownst to us? As sabotage?”

“There could still be Galra on the planet who might try to do so,” Coran said. “Such as when Sendak and Haxus infiltrated the Castle back on Arus. I’ll review security footage.”

“Well, Keith was running around out there yesterday,” Lance said. “Maybe he saw something.” He frowned. “Or maybe not. He was acting weird.”

“Love-sick weird or…?” Allura prompted.

“General Keith weird,” Lance said with a shrug. “I called him in for lunch, but he just ran past waving a net. I have no idea what he was up to.”

“Funnily enough, Keith found me earlier this morning to ask me some further questions about the Amortantinos,” Coran said. “Asked if there was a cure.”

Allura suddenly straightened, suddenly feeling both uneasy and very, very angry with the Red Paladin.

He wouldn’t. He couldn’t.

But yet…

At seeing the expression on Allura’s face, Lance, Coran and Kolivan all wisely took a step away from her as she said, voice seething, “I think we need to have a little chat with Keith.”

If her suspicions were right, Keith was so quiznaked.


	5. Chapter 5

Meanwhile, Shiro and Platt were enjoying a pleasant time together in the dining room as Shiro spoon-fed food goo to Platt.

Hunk was humming as he carried in two large platters of food for the meeting that afternoon. He set them down on the opposite end of the table from Shiro and Platt. Hunk dusted flour off on his pants and had a sudden idea.

Little did he know it was also a dangerous idea.

Hunk turned to the end of the table. “Hey, Platt! Wanna sample some of the hors d’oeuvres for this afternoon, buddy? Give ‘em the old taste test?”

Platt chittered excitedly and scrambled across the table on all fours, leaving Shiro sitting with wide, sad eyes as his love scampered towards Hunk.

Hunk grinned as Platt sampled one dish, squeaking with delight as he ate it. He didn’t even notice the sound of Shiro’s chair scraping the floor as he stood up. He didn’t even notice that Shiro had moved until Shiro was standing right beside him.

“You want some free samples, too, Shiro?” Hunk said, holding up a plate for Shiro to pick from. “You’d love the—”

“I see what you are trying to do,” Shiro said in a low voice.

Hunk frowned, lowering the plate, noticing Shiro’s dark demeanor for the first time.

“Uh… What?” Hunk said. “I’m just trying to make sure these snacks are diplomatic meeting worthy…”

“No,” Shiro said, voice taught. “I can see right through your lies.”

Hunk’s eyes widened and the plate dropped as Shiro’s arm started to glow. “H-Hey, what’s going on? Shiro, calm down, man!”

But Shiro had the expression of a mad-man on his face as he yelled:

“YOU’RE TRYING TO STEAL MY SHNOOKUMS AWAY FROM ME!”

At that point, Hunk decided that the best course of action was to get the quiznak out of Dodge.

Platt’s ears twitched at the sound of Hunk’s scream, and realized that his friend was in danger. He didn’t quite understand why Shiro was chasing Hunk in an attacking manner, or really why the Black Paladin had been so attentive to him that morning, but he also knew that no Hunk meant no more snacks.

And he couldn’t let that happen.

Some chattering and mice-telepathy later, Platt was joined by Plachu, Chulatt and Chuchule. With a motivational squeak, Platt led the mice in the chase after Hunk and Shiro.

Keith flattened himself against the wall as a screaming Hunk ran past him, a furious Shiro on his tail. Keith grimaced. That was not good…

Nor were the ominous sounds of thumping coming from above his head.

Uh oh…

There had to be someway of stopping all this…

But first, he should probably prevent Shiro from killing Hunk. And figure out why Shiro was trying to kill Hunk.

Meanwhile, Allura, Kolivan, Lance and Coran were on a Keith-hunt, which was quickly interrupted by Hunk running down the hall, screaming: “I WASN’T TRYING TO STEAL HIS SHNOOKUMS!”

“His… What now?” Lance said, leaning forward from where he was pressed against the wall to see where Hunk was headed. He exclaimed “Ooph!” as Coran did the Mom’s-Arm-Is-An-Extra-Seatbelt thing and his head hit the wall as Shiro ran past with a fighting yell and glowing arm raised above his head. Keith was on Shiro’s heels yelling, “SHIRO, PLATT’S NOT YOUR SHNOOKUMS! PIDGE IS! FOR THE LOVE OF QUIZNAK, SLOW DOWN! AND PLEASE DON’T KILL HUNK, HE’S A PRECIOUS CINNAMON ROLL WHO DOES NOT DESERVE THIS!”

And, for some odd reason, all of the mice were scampering after them.

In the dazed quiet that followed, Kolivan said softly, “That… Is perhaps the strangest sight I have ever beheld.”

“And the weirdest conversation heard.” Lance added.

“Unfortunately, I cannot say the same,” Coran said, fixing his moustache.

There were three loud thunks coming from above their heads, a grating sound, and then Pidge dropped out of the ceiling, landing on her feet. Kolivan gulped at seeing her.

She raised her head, eyes still big and mouth still smiling as she called out in a sing-song voice, “KOLI-WOLI-KINS!”

Kolivan decided that, when in the Castle, do as the Paladins do. And that meant running very fast in the opposite direction, Pidge hot on his heels.

There may have been some screaming involved. He wasn’t sure, the trauma of the situation blocked it out.

Allura swore a blue streak as she, Lance, and Coran ran after them.

Hunk was still screaming as he dove behind a Blade Member, who was incredibly confused by this, and even more confused and slightly terrified by the approaching Black Paladin, who was in a rage.

“YOU COWARD!” Shiro yelled at Hunk. “FACE ME! WE GO TO COMBAT FOR THE HEART OF PLATT!”

“Platt!” Hunk exclaimed, peeking out from over the Blade Member’s shoulder. “He’s your Shnookums?”

“Of course he’s my Shnookums!” Shiro yelled. “And you’re trying to steal him from me!”

“Oh, I feel like we have had a Shakespeare-level miscommunication somewhere…” Hunk said, yelping and running again when Shiro got around the Blade Member to take a swipe at the Yellow Paladin.

Hunk tried to run, but ended up tripping over a Galra tail, landing on the flooor with another yelp as Shiro towered over him. He gulped. “Shiro, buddy, we can talk this out…”

“FIGHT ME!”

“Or maybe we can’t…”

Shiro raised his arm with a yell and Hunk covered his head with his arms.

Suddenly, though, Shiro stopped at hearing chittering and Platt scampered forward, putting himself between Shiro and Hunk. Shiro’s eyes widened at seeing the mouse, who held up his paw in a ‘stop’ gesture. Shiro sank to his knees.

“Shnookums…” He said, lower lip jutting out in a pout, eyes beginning to water. “Are… Are you… You’re choosing him, over me?”

Platt chittered and shook his head, motioning for Shiro to lean forward so that Platt could pat him on the head. When Shiro sat up slightly, Platt started squeaking again in a serious manner.

Tears fell from Shiro’s eyes and Hunk—who had no idea what was going on—felt a bit bad for Shiro, despite the fact that less than a minute ago the Black Paladin had been trying to kill him.

“Shnookums, I can change, I swear! I’ll be better!” Shiro exclaimed. Platt took one of Shiro’s fingers in both of his paws and squeaked again. Hunk and the other Blade of Marmora members had no idea what Platt said, but could only watch as Shiro doubled over, sobbing, Platt consolingly patting Shiro on the head.

“Paladin Hunk,” One Blade said as he came to help Hunk to his feet. “Can you give us an insight on what is happening here?”

“I… Think Platt and Shiro just broke up?” Hunk said. Why was his life so weird?

Of course, then it just got weirder, because Kolivan ran into the room, Pidge running after him. Suddenly, Pidge pounced, landing on Kolivan’s back, sending the Galra to the floor.

“I caught you!” Pidge said with a giggle as she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. “Silly Koli-Woli-Kins! No matter how far apart we are, you will never escape the reaches of my love!”

“Oh.” Kolivan said, ears drooping. “I was afraid of that…”

Keith skidded to a stop at the door; he had gotten off-course by Kolivan shoving him out of the way for some reason and he had to do quite a bit of searching to find Shiro…

Who was now on the floor sobbing.

And Kolivan had gotten caught by Pidge, who was hanging off of him like a kid on monkey bars.

The Blade Members were confused, Hunk was hiding behind two of them, and…

Keith winced.

The Inigniamo delegate had arrived, unbeknownst to anyone, and they had watched more of this train-wreck than Keith had, with wide eyes and discreet whispers behind hands.

He tried to take a small step backward. Maybe he could get out of here before Allura arrived and—

He turned around and his eyes widened as he came face to face with a very angry Allura, who was flanked by Coran and Lance, who were both very curious and confused about what was happening behind Keith.

“Keith,” Allura hissed through gritted teeth. “What the quiznak is going on?”

Keith gulped.

And that was the moment Keith knew…

He quiznaked up.


	6. Chapter 6

Lucky for Keith, the Inigniamos were very understanding of the situation.

“Happens all the time, foreigners getting bitten,” The head diplomat said with a wave of his hand. “And this is actually very easy to fix.”

Keith breathed a sigh of relief at this second piece of luck. Maybe it would lessen the extent to which Allura murdered him later.

The first step was to keep the afflicted away from their new-found objects of affection for an entire varga.

Keith tried hard to stay still and not jolt in terror as Allura put her hand on his shoulder in a vice-grip, her smile tight as she said, “Well, we are in luck, then. Because Keith here has just volunteered to take Pidge and Shiro on a flight in the Red Lion.”

“I have?” Keith said nervously. Allura slowly turned to him and gave him a look that said everything. “I mean, I have!”

“You got volun-told, buddy.” Lance said as Keith trudged over toward Shiro, the easier of the two to wrangle, given that he was still on the floor sobbing.

Keith suspected that he had just been volun-told for a lot of things in the near future.

Did Keith love to fly? Yes. Did he love flying the Red Lion? Also yes. And did he greatly enjoying flying Red when there wasn’t a battle going on or any sort of mission? Of course!

But that one-hour flight was the worst Keith had ever experienced in his entire life. Like, he would take that first flight in the Blue Lion with Lance figuring out the controls again without a doubt.

Shiro was crying and wailing about his Shnookums. And Pidge… was angry. She had screamed “NOT AGAIN!” as Red’s ramp raised with Kolivan in the hanger and her in the cockpit. She continued to scream and yell and hit Keith and she actually _bit_ him, and he was just glad that Coran had confiscated her bayard.

Needless to say, it was a very long varga.

“Can we come back now?” Keith asked, eye twitching slightly as Pidge pulled on his hair.

Allura smirked slightly through the holographic communicator, and hummed in consideration. “No, I think about twenty more doobashes will do…”

“Princess…” Coran said from somewhere off camera.

Allura huffed. “Fine. You may return to the Castle.”

Keith trudged down Red’s ramp, Pidge on his back, trying desperately to put him in a headlock. Shiro just slunk behind them, sniffling.

Lance was failing to hide his smile as he came and put an arm around Shiro. “Come on, Big Guy, I know all about rejection—” This led to Shiro letting out a pathetic wail that sounded like a dying animal. “—and how to soothe the ache of a broken heart…”

“Pidge,” Hunk said. “Get off Keith.”

“NO!” Pidge yelled, snarling at Hunk. “He’s in league with Allura! She’s stolen my man right out from under me! And this son of a farting Weblum helped!”

“Yep, yep he did,” Hunk said, nodding. “But come with me, and I’ll help you get revenge.”

Pidge’s eyes brightened and she grinned wickedly at the thought of revenge, hopping off of Keith.

Keith followed his fellow Paladins to the dining room, where Pidge and Shiro were instructed to sit in chairs side by side. One of the Inigniamo diplomats placed teacups in front of them, while the lead diplomat came in carrying a teapot.

“This is a special tea made with the Blackguard flowers that repel the Amortantinos,” He explained as he poured the black liquid into the teacups. “This will null the effects of the poison.”

“I want to see Platt…” Shiro said, pouting slightly. “We can work this out, I can be better… At least we could be friends…”

“Wait, the mouse broke up with you and didn’t even give you the ‘but we can still be friends’ line?” Lance said. “Dang, man, that’s harsh.”

Shiro let out another wail.

Pidge was practically bouncing in her chair. “I want to see Kolivan! Show him I’m better than Allura, the best he could ever get! Then he’ll see right through that floozy’s lies and trickery and then that little—”

“I am in the room, Pidge.” Allura said, frowning. “And I am not after Kolivan in any sort of relationship other than in a professional, diplomatic way.”

“Yeah, right, sure,” Pidge snarled. “That’s what you want me to think, get me to lower my guard, but it won’t work! I see what you’re trying to do!”

“If you drink some of this tea, you will be able to see through the deception of any of your romantic rivals,” The head diplomat said soothingly. He turned to Shiro. “And you can proceed with a much clearer head.”

Shiro and Pidge both hesitantly reached forward for their cups. They each took a few cautious sips and…

Their eyes became clearer, though their expressions were confused. Shiro looked around the room, frowning slightly and said, “Um… What’s going on? I thought we weren’t meeting with the Inigniamo delegation until later today.”

Meanwhile, Pidge stuck out her tongue, making weird faces. She reached up and plucked something off her tongue. “Ugh, gross, why did I have hair in my mouth? Wait, no, it’s fur? Why did I have fur in my mouth—PURPLE FUR!” She looked up and looked confused. “What the quiznak is going on?”

“Oh,” Allura said, pushing Keith forward. “That is for Keith to explain. Isn’t it, Keith? We’d _all_ like to know what exactly has been happening this morning.”

Keith gulped and started to tug nervously on his gloves. “Well, um, you see… Shiro… Pidge… Uh, you two kinda, sorta, maybe… Got bitten by a local insect. That caused you two to fall passionately in love with the first person you saw.”

“The Amortantino,” Shiro said, nodding. “Right.”

“And so you, Shiro, fell in love with Platt.” Keith continued. “And Pidge, uh, you fell in love with Kolivan.”

“Sounds fake, but okay,” Pidge said.

“Yes, it was unfortunately real,” Allura said.

“It was also kind of funny, you should have heard Kolivan scream,” Lance said.

“Dude, try being on the end of a glowy arm coming after you with a jealous lover attached to it,” Hunk said, shivering. “It was quiznaking terrifying.”

“What?” Shiro said, blinking.

“I swear, man, I wasn’t after your Shnookums!” Hunk said, holding up his hands in an innocent way.

Pidge snickered. “Shnookums?”

“My what now?” Shiro said.

“What I would like to know,” Allura said loudly. “Is how did the Amortantinos get on board and past our security measures? Keith?”

“Er… They may have come in. Through a jar.” Keith said.

“And why,” Allura said, eye twitching slightly. “Did they come into the Castle in a jar?”

Keith swallowed, both his fear and his pride and opened his mouth and…

“Because I asked him to.”

Everyone turned to Pidge in shock, the teenage girl’s chin rested on her entwined fingers, her elbows on the table.

“What?”

The question echoed around the room, Shiro the only one to keep his mouth shut.

Keith’s jaw dropped. What was Pidge doing? Taking the fall for him? And why?

“Though I am the Paladin of the Green Lion, the Guardian Spirit of the Forest, I’m not much of an outdoors person,” Pidge explained. “Keith wanted to explore the forest, and I asked him to capture a few bugs for me to study. I’m curious by nature, and we don’t have anything that compares to this specimen on Earth. Keith kindly did as I asked, and I intended to release them back into the forest this morning.”

“I volunteered to take the jar out for Pidge,” Shiro said suddenly. “But I must have accidentally loosened the lid or something, and one got out. That’s how I got bit.”

“And it must have bitten me shortly after,” Pidge said. “I’m so sorry, Allura. I didn’t mean for all this to happen. It was just an accident.”

Allura’s anger seemed to have cooled at having an explanation while Keith’s brain was not really processing what he was hearing.

What the what?

Which one of Slav’s alternate realities did he enter?

“It was a very irresponsible thing to do,” Allura said, frowning still.

“I know, and I’m sorry to have endangered my fellow Paladins, as well as the meeting today,” Pidge said. She turned to the head of the Inignimano delegation. “Please accept my humblest apologies for the disturbance and chaos we’ve caused. And I hope this doesn’t impact your decision today.”

“It is always rather enjoyable to watch foreigners fall under the love bug,” He admitted with a smile. “And it makes talks go much easier, to be honest. After spending three days acting like a love-sick fool, most people have lost their bluster and are incredibly humble when it is finally time to get to business.”

Keith breathed a sigh of relief. No harm, no foul…

Keith still thanked every lucky star in the sky that the Inigniamos agreed to join the Coalition.

*

Shiro was halfway to the training deck when he felt thin arms wrap around his waist. He grinned and put his hands on Pidge’s. He turned around to see her grin, her eyes sparkling.

“Come here, _Shnookums_ ,” She said, pulling him down the corridor.

“You’re not going to let that go, are you?”

“Never.”

Shiro’s grin grew as she suddenly pushed him up against the wall, then he bent down so she could put her arms around his neck, their lips crashing together. She squealed in his mouth as he gave her rear end a gentle squeeze.

“So,” He whispered when they broke off, gently nipping at her jaw. “When do you think we should tell them about us?”

“I like watching Keith try to wingman for us,” Pidge said, purring contently as Shiro started sucking on her neck. “It’s so funny to watch the journey his emotions and facial expressions go on when we don’t do what he wants.”

“Hmm,” Shiro said, gently rubbing his nose into the crook of her neck. “And it was fun to watch him squirm as he tried to figure out how to confess to leaving those bugs in our rooms.”

“And if we tell him we’re together, then what is he going to do?” Pidge said, gently rubbing the back of Shiro’s neck, her fingers trailing up into the buzz of his undercut. “There’s not as many conspiracy theories in space for him to obsess over.”

“Still,” Shiro said. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “One more month? Preferably before he seriously injures Lance or Hunk in his wingman attempts?”

“Fine,” Pidge said with a sigh, still smiling. “One month. But next time Hunk offers us a taste test, you try your taste off of my spoon. I want to see if his face goes purple again at us sharing an indirect kiss.”

“You want it, you got it, _Shnookums_ ,” Shiro promised, setting her on her feet.

“Darn right,” Pidge said, taking Shiro’s hand. “Come on, I want to go scare Kolivan into thinking I’m still under the love bug.”

“Be nice…” Shiro chided as they strolled down the hallway.

“I’m always nice.”

“That’s a lie, Katie.”

“Yeah, but you still love me.”

“That, my dear, is the truth.”

They’d eventually go on to get their happily ever after; a wedding on Earth, adopt a bunch of dogs and robots, and maybe have a baby or two or three…

Oh, and defeat the Galra Empire and find Pidge’s father and brother.

Small details as part of a long forever.

And, honestly? They were glad that this love-bug experience was part of it.


End file.
